this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Randomize
