Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
