maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
