Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
