I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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