I am puke
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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