i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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