the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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