if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
high people should be assigned attendants
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
sex in a hospital.. check
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
