I never want to see another naked old woman again.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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