do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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