OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
