First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
