well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
