there was a trapeze. enough said
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
