Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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