i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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