please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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