is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
