CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
