I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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