If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
