He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
