woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
