i need an iv and a liver transplant
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
