my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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