4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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