The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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