As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
