Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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