I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
