The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
