I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
