i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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