My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
