so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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