you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
