He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
it was like eating out sand paper
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
