shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
