im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
