Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
