We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize