He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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