I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
