i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
