To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
