Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
