what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he fucked my hip out of place.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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