I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
