Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
