$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize