My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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