Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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