I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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