I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
