he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
