Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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