so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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