he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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