So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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