Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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