i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
