but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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