being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
