So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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