thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
