what day is it and did you see me today?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
