I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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