smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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