Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
