i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize