HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I AM VODKA MAN
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
