I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
