Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I need to calm my uterus...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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