i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
