So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
