the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
