Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Come see our sink grown plant.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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