i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I want to make a zoo with you.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
