I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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