Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm just crazy horny about you
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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