conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
