We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
