we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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