At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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