haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
