Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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