Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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