My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So much Jack, so little girl.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
