I looked at my own cervix.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
